So I started feeling better Wednesday night for some reason. Probably because I was able to eat and felt good about it. Yesterday I didn’t obsess about food…and getting food into my system…so much.
Today, I am not feeling so good though and the anxiety is there. There are a few reasons for this though..I think….
1. I read a blog yesterday where the writer gave a trigger warning but I did not pay attention to it. I dove right into it. He talked about how he had made a suicide attempt. He didn’t say what he did…but did say that when he came to in the ICU 3 days later…he felt pretty sick. Just the word makes me empathize and think of nausea. So it took me there..I think.
2. The weekend is here. I have been working every day, which gives me something to do during the day. Now the weekend is here and I have to figure out what I am going to do with my time so that I am not sitting in anxiety and depression. I am feeling pretty anxious now. I can feel my bp rising…and the physical symptoms taking over. It’s scaring me.
3. I go back to thinking that if I am nauseated, what will I do…so that I am not feeling that way. What if the strong meds don’t work?
I am totally having a bit of a panic attack now. I have had diahrea already twice this morning. I don’t feel good. And I want my mom. Yes, this 46 year old wants her mom to say it’s okay…but she is not around. Three months ago..she passed away. I don’t like feeling sick.
I am burning up with anxiety.
Thanks for listening.