Last night, my daughter came over. She made dinner. We had ham, peas/carrots and a sweet potato. I ate it all. I was happy with that.
I then went to see my new grief counselor. While in the office, I started to feel some anxiety and thoughts went through my head..wondering if I could leave if I needed to…and what if this happened or that happened….. I cried a lot in there…telling my story. I will go back next week.
I then went back home..and my daughter and her dog were still there. We had a nice time. Watching 90 day fiancé.
After she left..I took a bath. And then went to bed.
Woke up about 6am. Not getting great sleep lately.
This morning, I woke up feeling very sick. I feel feverish. I had diahrea. I just feel so sick. It’s not nervous sick, but it makes me nervous…because I just don’t know what is going on. I am afraid to go to the doctors, because I am afraid of what they will say…or that i will have to have blood work done or have tests done.
I did just call my doctors’ office and left a message to see if I could get in to see her tonight. She only works three days a week.
I am not sure if I really trust this doctor. The last time that I saw her, was pretty much for reassurance, but I didn’t get it. She was kind of frustrated with me….from the get go. Didn’t know what to tell me…as she felt that everything was anxiety related and I needed to work with my therapist. She did take my blood pressure (which was low..which is odd). She then also weighed me and I had lost even more weight, but she didn’t tell me what it was…as I told her that my therapist didn’t want me to know.
She wrote out a script for me to get blood work done (to check my thyroid and CBC, etc).
I saw the results before she did as the lab sent them to me. I freaked out. My WBC was a 12. point something. Of course the first thing I thought of was leukemia. I called her office. She called me back. She told me not to put that out in the universe and that she would just retest it in a few weeks. She also said that I could come in for a urine test to see if I had a UTI. I did go in that day, but never got the results back..so assuming that came back showing nothing (as I suspected). Usually it will show blood in my urine though. But I haven’t talked to her to get the results. She was also supposed to have the lab run come more tests on the blood they already had. I think she totally forgot about that as I never heard from her.
So just now I called her office and left a message to see if I could come in this evening. I am scared. She is not a nice person. But I am afraid to find another doctor.
I don’t know what is happening to me. Why I am so sick all the time. Why I am losing weight.
Today, I ate an egg and a banana. There is breakfast downstairs at my work. I just don’t want to eat it. I feel so sick. I hate feeling like this all the time.
What could be the reason…?
-I increased my buspar to 15mg twice a day (from 10mg twice a day).
-I am on Zoloft at 125mg. I’m supposed to increase that too…but not feeling well, I don’t want to do that. Plus adding buspar to Zoloft..can cause serotonin syndrome. Could this be what I am experiencing?
-When I got my thyroid results back from the doctor, my thyroid numbers were a little higher than the last time I had them done. I had actually not taken my thyroid medication as prescribed (I was missing doses here and there by accident and had decreased the dose slightly because the last time I had it checked, it was very low..meaning almost hyperthyroid). Anyway…when I got the results back this time…I saw that it had climbed a little, so I started taking the higher dose. But I am wondering if I really should be doing that.
HISTORY…I had my thyroid checked about two years ago. It came back in the high normal. My doc wanted me to increase my meds anyway. I asked why and she said that they like to see the numbers a little lower. I increased as she said. However, then the medication made me go hyperthyroid. If you take too much, the opposite happens. I had been so anxious, etc and didn’t know why. When we tested the thyroid numbers with this higher dose, we found that it put me from hypo to hyper. The doc wanted me to continue that dose though for another 6 weeks to see if it evened out. I couldn’t do it…so we only took it up slightly. I probably should’ve stayed on 50mg, but I am up to 62.5. Could that be causing all of this?
Doctors don’t believe me. People look at me like I’m a hypochondriac or crazy because I should trust the doctors. But I do read up on my conditions..and I educate myself. I also know that I feel bad.
I need someone to have my back and help me figure this all out.
I push through but I feel so sick. I push through because that is what I am supposed to do. I don’t want people to be mad at me.
I am so sick though…I feel so sick.
I am not sure if I am going to be able to see my doctor today. And if I do, I am afraid of how it will go. She definitely doesn’t take me seriously.
I don’t want anything to be wrong with me. I would reassurance that all is okay. Maybe this is a bug. I don’t know. But it’s not all in my head. And I feel very alone trying to figure this out.
I wish I had someone that would work through this with me..would educate themselves on the stuff I have going on..and not look at it as it’s all in my head.
Yes, I had an endoscopy and a CT scan. The doc said all was normal. I have not pulled up the report because I don’t want to question things. I know that nothing bad is wrong with my stomach.
But…I am sick. I need help. I need someone to help me with this.